How large were my problems?

As I mentioned in my last post, I had a testing of faith a bit over five years ago, when my world as I knew it simply ceased to exist. I turned to friends, church members and the normal outlets. Each well wishing person had advice, biblical or secular, and many I believe truly empathized with me.

Nothing helped though. It was the first time in my life I truly felt inconsolable.

Then one Sunday, sitting in my regular seat at my regular church for my regular service, the pastor said something that hit me like a stone from a sling. The following is as close to a quote as I can remember.

“If you’re talking to others about your problems more than you’re talking to God about your problems, your problems aren’t as large as you would like to believe.” (Of course, I should state that this was directed at Christian believers.)

I feel like I should state, even though the statement is pretty self explanatory, that I am not condemning any for seeking help outside of God. The “more than” is the portion that rocked me.

It changed my world. It changed me.

What was going on in my life didn’t change. My world did end as I knew it. God chose not to rock the foundations of the earth and allow me the happy ending of my own desire (though I’ll never give up hope).

What He did was allow me to see a picture larger than myself. Allow me to see that loving an enemy is so very, very hard, but still possible. It also allowed me to discover there truly is a peace that passes all understanding. And you can’t know what peace is without experiencing turmoil and heartbreak. And while I can attest to regularly falling into traps of “me”, I can also say thanks to God for all He has given me. Regardless of what has chosen to leave or been taken away.

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